Tae Kwon Don't

I walked into parenthood admittedly blind and without knowing what I was getting into with virtually no baby/kid experience. Regardless, I had some pretty lofty ideals around food, TV and electronics and how our life would look, overall. What I’ve learned after 5+ years is that parenting is a lot about ‘letting go’. Letting go of a lot of things, like, a life resembling anything like it was before kids, but also letting go of a lot of some (somewhat) arbitrary standards. 

When discussing and deciding extracurricular activities for our kids, one that we both agreed would be a positive thing was a martial art form. An Eastern disciplined sport seemed a good match for a Buddhist and an athlete. However, I stated in no uncertain terms that I did not want him in Tae Kwon Do. One of my nieces had been into this martial art form since she was a small child – she excelled at it and won all sorts of state and national tournaments as she grew into a lovely, charming adult. So why the harsh judgment? Years ago, I went to one of her practices – always living far from my family, I never managed a trip to see her at an actual competition. At the practice, the instructor was using phrases like, “imagine your opponent in front of you…imagine crushing his chin,” he hissed as they moved into their next gesture. Crushing his chin? THAT seemed awfully harsh for a young child. I don’t recall his whole monologue, but I remember being a bit taken aback by the violent nature. So, when it was Max’s turn to possibly start in a class, I made it clear that I didn’t want it to be Tae Kwon Do or Karate. We settled on Aikido, which hubbie had done for a while as an adult and it was exactly up my alley. Wiki says it best: 

Aikido is often translated as "the Way of unifying (with) life energy" or as "the Way of harmonious spirit." Ueshiba's goal was to create an art that practitioners could use to defend themselves while also protecting their attacker from injury.

By comparison, Wiki’s definiteion of Tae Kwon Do includes:  

Thus, taekwondo may be loosely translated as "the art of the foot and fist" or "the art of kicking and punching."

We were having our initial conversation when he was ~ 3 years old, but the Aikido place that Mark had his eye on didn’t start until 5. We waited for 2 years. Recently, as we were exploring new activities for the fall, we looked up their schedule – we are now 5 and we were sure he would have a great time with this (it has been a challenge to find extracurricular activities that he actually likes). But the schedule didn’t work for us at all. Mark was being rather picky about the place to take him, feeling he had found “the” pure Aikido place. 

And then his school after-school activities calendar showed up. Right there, on Mondays, right after school, he wouldn’t even have to leave the building, was a Tae Kwon Do class. I resisted at first. We looked for other Aikido classes. But nothing seemed to work very well for us. Welllll, I thought, how bad could it be? These classes usually have a tight affiliation with the school and it’s philosophies so THIS instructor probably won’t be talking about crushing other people’s chins. Right? 

And we promptly signed him up. He has only gone two weeks, but he actually really likes it thus far. And might I add something here? My tendency for ‘non-violence’ has been completely lost on this young boy who makes up violent scenarios about people’s heads coming off and gross things happening with eyeballs. Oh god, the eyeballs. I think he’s in for a career in horror films. And then there was this: Evolution Anyone?

So, this is what I’m talking about. Letting go. Going with the flow. I find parenthood challenging so I’ve found that my ideals get a little whittled back in the name of simplicity, ease and yes, sometimes just plain laziness (may I interject TV here?). My lofty ideals extend to lots of things – food, electronics including TV, cleaning up – and in all of these areas, compromise abounds. Interestingly, in many areas, I had ideals that were higher than my own that I live by – so those were probably not realistic. Over my lifetime, I have really settled into an ‘everything in moderation’ lifestyle, so I’m not sure why I ever thought it would be different with how I raise my kids. I guess because we see our kids as a way to make a better us. It’s our chance at redemption for our own vices. Or at the very least, we don’t want to impose our own vices or lack of self-discipline onto an innocent being. But the reality, I have found, is similar to how I end up feeling after moving. I have loved moving from city to city throughout my adult life. Each time I got a rush from the POSSIBILITY of finally being the person I always meant to be. And a short time after the move, I would realize that I was still me. I wasn’t going to fool anyone, including myself, that I wasn't. So I think the ‘compromised ideals’ are more an acknowledgement that I am just me. I can't be a different kind of parent than I am a person. My kids get a lot of treats. They watch more TV than I thought I would have been comfortable with. My son LOVES our ipad (my husband is hugely into computers and technology). And cleaning up? My husband is still working on training me in that. So, Tae Kwon Do it is! If this is the worst I do for my child, I think we are in OK shape.