um, sorry?

It is with trepidation and reserve that I approached my blog today. In a strange on-line world, I don’t know who I am approaching – my blog, or the handful of readers that return to the site. Really, who – or what - it is that I am approaching, is my own voice – the voice that has ‘eh-hemm’ed’ me to death over the last few months. The voice that tells me stories while I am in the shower, itching to get them on paper, but which is quickly forgotten with the flick of my towel as I run off to the next ‘thing’. The voice that urged me to start a blog so that I would have a space for her – her own grounds…like a big yard in a new country home – her place to roam and ramble. And the roaming and rambling was good, but I just have not made time for the country-side as of late.

I was afraid that when I when I went to log-in today that I would be rejected. I half expected a pop up message from my blog saying, “so you think you can just log back in like nothing has happened? Push ‘Yes’ if you are really that kind of person” and my only other option would be to cancel. So, any clean slate, any new beginning needs a good apology, and I am sorry – here is my apology to the universe – for not holding to my own intentions, and perhaps inconveniencing a few good friends who have been checking the site, always empty. I’ve had a few eh-hems from them too. 

My children have a book called “Leonardo, The Terrible Monster” by Mo Willems, you may know it...and one of the pages is filled with text, being wailed by a little boy in answer to the question of, ‘why he was crying’. As a tribute to this fabulous idea of getting it all out, and to my inner screaming child who doesn’t really want to apologize because not writing ‘is not her fault’, here’s my wailing tale of why I have not written in the last 3+ months and really, not much since the beginning of the year:

FIRST MY SON HAD HIS FOUR YEAR OLD BIRTHDAY PARTY AND HIS BIRTHDAY IS JANUARY 3^rd SO IT’S RIGHT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS AND I CAN’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL, LIKE, THE DAY BEFORE BECAUSE THERE ARE WAY TOO MANY OTHER THINGS TO THINK ABOUT AND PLAN SO I GOT MYSELF THROUGH THAT BY THE SKIN ON MY TEETH (THANK YOU PUMP IT UP) AND THEN MY DAUGHTER STARTED AT HER MONTESSORI PROGRAM AND WHILE I LOVE HER SCHOOL, SHE WAS 20 MONTHS AND OF COURSE I WONDERED IF I WAS STARTING HER TOO YOUNG AND THAT TOOK A COUPLE WEEKS OF MENTAL PREP AND SEVERAL WEEKS OF TRANSITION FOR US ALL TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH THAT AND THEN I OFFICIALLY STARTED LOOKING FOR A JOB BECAUSE THAT WAS MY INTENTION FOR THIS YEAR BUT I ONLY WANTED TO WORK PART TIME  - SO I STARTED NETWORKING AND SEARCHING BUT NOTHING WAS REALLY SHOWING UP AND THEN MY HUSBAND GOT SICK (THOUGHT IT WAS THE FLU) AND HE ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 4 DAYS WITH SOME RARE FORM OF TOXIC SHOCK (YES, RELATED TO THE ONE MENTIONED ON THE TAMPON BOX, BUT NOT THAT EXACTLY) AND SO HE AND I RECOVERED FROM THAT AND ALL THE WHILE LIFE KEPT HAPPENING AND I HAD THE WORST ALLERGY SEASON OF MY LIFE ALL SPRING AND THEN HE WAS GONE FOR MUCH OF MARCH AND THEN WE GOT TO GO ON A FABULOUS SPRING BREAK TRIP TO UTAH AND ON THE TRIP HOME I LOST MY SON FOR ~3 – 5 MINUTES IN THE AIRPORT AND IT WAS THE SCARIEST 3-5 MINUTES OF MY LIFE  AND IT WAS ABOUT THIS TIME THAT MY FRIENDS AND I DECIDED TO START A COMPANY TOGETHER SO WE SPENT WEEKS TRYING TO NAME OURSELVES AND OUR HUSBANDS STARTED TO BE REALLY ANNOYED THAT IT WENT ON FOR AS LONG AS IT DID AND NORMAL KID LIFE- WE HAD ILLNESSES AND URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS AND STUFF LIKE THAT  AND THEN JUST AS I GOT MY FIRST WORK PROJECT SUMMER STARTED AND WE’VE BEEN MANAGING KID SCHEDULES THAT CHANGE WEEKLY AND WORKING AND TRIPS TO VISIT FAMILY AND ALL THE STUFF THAT MAKES LIFE CRAZY AND EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE’S TALE, REALLY, IT ALL HAS CONTRIBUTED TO ME NOT TAKING ANY TIME TO POST TO MY BLOG!!!!

That’s why.

Aaahhhhh. Much better.

Coming Soon: Bumpkin to Buddhist hits Germany! My family is heading to Germany for 6 weeks starting this Sunday, so my plan is to do some blogging on the road! Until next time...