Super Mommy Brain

“Mommy Brain.”  I actually hate this term, though I feel compelled to use it often. What I don’t like about it is that it implies that women, once they become mother’s, lose some intelligence and that our brains work differently than those without children. The reason I tend to use it frequently is that it’s generally used when we do something forgetful, and lately, this is very frequent for me. What it should imply, however, is that our brains are doing SO MUCH MORE than ever before, that we should expect some slip ups in the normal course of things. So, I am re-naming it to Super Mommy Brain. I am allowed to do this. I believe it is a right, a responsibility even, for writers to coin new phrases. But I can only coin it – it is up to fellow moms and non-moms alike to USE it – SUPER MOMMY BRAIN! Say it out loud! Roll it off the tongue! Own It! Shout it at everyone who is rolling their eyes at you in the grocery store line after you have checked out and just now realized that you forgot your wallet! Use it in the phone conversation with your Mother-in-law when you are apologizing for forgetting her birthday (and then under your breath blame your husband, whose responsibility this should be anyway)! Use it when you are trying to explain why you missed your Hair cut / dentist / dr / playdate /fill in the blank / appt. OK, I’ll stop now. You get the picture. But seriously, think about it - while I am sure an employer may have their own opinions about a resume that says:

April 2008 – present: Stay at Home Mom

I think most would be impressed if it read something like this:

April 2008 – present: Stay at Home Mom, spent one year honing Super Mommy Brain

Super Mommy Brain has two sides to it, of course. On one side, my Super Mommy Brain is processing what 3 other people, in addition to myself, need at every given moment of every day. I co-ordinate meals, activities, naps, household chores, workouts and school stuff on a daily basis, each day slightly different than the one before. Like Newton’s law, every action has an equal and opposite reaction, so if something happens to one person’s schedule, I simultaneously run through the effect this has on everyone else’s schedule and needs, and change plans accordingly. This is also separate from, but including the larger parenting and relationship issues that these Super Mommy Brains handle such as raising decent and happy little human beings. This in itself requires regular big-picture planning with minute ‘of the moment’ decisions, both requiring re-visiting and re-direction at all times of the day including in the middle of the night or the wee wee hours of the morning. Then there is the strategy for making sure my husband and I stay connected AND ensuring I am taking good care of myself, which sometimes seems the hardest part, though it is arguably the most important. SMB needs TLC. All of this is while I stay home with the kids. Many Super Mommy Brains also uphold careers functions and simultaneously think about work issues as well. Super Mommy Brain is actually different from pre-mom status – it is better!

So, where does “mommy brain” get it’s bad rap? Welllllll, ok. SO, I recently organized and scheduled a book club directly ON my husband’s birthday. Not around the same day, or on the weekend where it would make most sense to celebrate the day, but squarely ON his birthday. AND I did not realize this until I sent him an e-mail asking him if he could stay at home with the kids that evening while I ran off to book club. When he responded with an, “are you serious?” I replied that he needn’t panic, the book club was not at our house. It was only when he responded again with an, “I think you are missing the bigger picture here”, that it clicked. I was mortified. Had he done the same thing to me, I can not imagine the repercussions I would have dreamed up - a good lesson for me, perhaps, to cut him some slack.

Then my sister called me with her Super Mommy Brain story. Her children are teenagers, making it clear to me that Super Mommy Brain sticks around for quite some time (thankfully!). Her son called her after his baseball game to say that his peanut butter and jelly sandwich didn’t actually contain any peanut butter and jelly. There was nothing but two pieces of bread pushed together inside of a baggy. She claims that she clearly remembers putting peanut butter and jelly on the bread. Super Mommy Brain at work - she must have “clearly remembered” from the prior 4,345 times she had actually put peanut butter and jelly on the bread. But hey – her son got to his baseball game on time, with all needed gear, in good health and spirit, so let’s not overlook that!

My funny examples could go on forever, and I am sure everyone has their own - if you have some, please do share. We tend to focus on the funny / ‘I have no brain’ Mommy Super Brain moments because they are, in fact, very funny. I am always up for a good laugh, but Super Mommy Brain is a great thing, and what a perfect time to celebrate it – Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend...just in case you had forgotten.

Comments

[Tari]

There are actual studies that show the brain changes once a woman is pregnant. There are studies to show that Mommy gets up in the middle of the night to feed a baby BEFORE she fully wakes! (While Daddy fully wakes and then rises... hence the dilemma of shared responsibility on this task.)

And, I have examples... I can read a medical report, then a month later sit in a meeting and recall specifics of said medical report that has to do with my child. I can remember schedules, and think about which foods are going to be most likely to make it into which mouths given the daily schedule. Sometimes I remember that it is snack day twenty minutes before school, but I typically will remember. Yes, I do forget things (often the laundry is in dire neglect), but as with your sister, when the kids show up happy, healthy, in good spirits with all their gear, I call that a good day.