The Cabbie Code

We went to Cancun at the beginning of February and I had a grand plan to write the ‘Cancun Chronicles’ while were there. However, I quickly realized that it was difficult to chronicle a trip where the point was to do nothing. There were a lot of “and then’s”. “And then we went to the beach and then we ate and then we sat next to the pool and then I took a nap.” Of course, you know that I can ramble about nothing, but I’ll save all of that for another entry, perhaps. But one portion of the trip did stand out as noteworthy, however, which was our trip to the airport.

Our cab driver was a remarkably nice older retired gentleman - the only problem was that he should have retired his driver’s license long ago. Austin cabbies are notorious for not having any sense of urgency. Because he was late, we were running late, and we immediately put the pressure on that we needed to ‘make tracks’. I think under normal circumstances, it would have taken him approximately 3 times longer to get to the airport than any other cab driver, but due to our pushing, it only took us only 2 times longer. This was after we stopped pushing because he clearly couldn’t handle any speed over 45 mph. He was not able to stay in one lane on the highway, and when we pointed out to him that he was in 2 lanes, he would slam on his brakes and start going 35 miles per hour, again, on the HIGHWAY. The core of the problem was that he really could not SEE. Mark started dictating intersections, red lights, etc, not to mention the aforementioned number of lanes he was taking up. As you can imagine, we made him very nervous. I think most of his passengers probably sit quietly in the back of the cab, silently praying for their lives. And because he is so NICE, no one says anything to him about it. We have a family of 4 and luggage to match, so Hubbie was up in the front seat with him. Now, if God himself were driving, Hubbie would tell him how to get to heaven, so this guy was going to get directions, regardless. But as soon as it was established that this guy could not drive, or SEE, Hubbie asked if he would pull over and let him drive. While I want to praise Hubbie for being protective of his family, I think there was, potentially, more of a fear of missing our flight. Regardless, evidently it is against the cabbie “code” to allow anyone else to drive. This is what he said – the Cabbie Code. This makes perfect sense, really, that other people are not allowed to drive, but I did have to wonder what this cabbie “code” said about being able to stay on the road. Perhaps something like, “If one can not stay on the road due to fatigue, boredom, drunkenness, drugs or old age, then fain competence. Pretending like everything is just fine will make your passengers at ease.” The Cabby Code - I imagine an old tattered and torn yellow handbook with copied pages of old type-written pages, passed around and down among cabbies through the ages. The original would be rumored to be in the glove compartment of the Yellow Cab in the Smithsonian. I have no idea if there is a Yellow Cab in the Smithsonian, but I think there probably should be, next to Kermit the Frog and Dorothy’s slippers. Then I really started thinking about what else would be in this Cabbie code ...

1. Even if you have a non-smoking cab, smoking inside your cab when you don’t have passengers, is, indeed, acceptable, especially if you have a window open. Your passengers will never notice.
2. Remember to always gun the gas and slam on the brake all the way to your destination– passengers enjoy the thrill – and then they will be too ill to argue about fares or that you have dropped them off at the wrong location.
3. Never carry smaller bills adequate to make change. This would mitigate the opportunity to drive around to find the nearest 7-11 to make change, in which case, the riders may give up in frustration and say, “just keep it!”
4. Never carry a map, no matter how new you might be to a city or if you have never been past the corner bakery in your grandmother’s neighborhood. If anyone asks, you have been driving this cab for 20 years. Even if you are only 22 years old.
5. Pedestrians? Never heard of ‘em, never seen one.
6. (addendum added in last 10 years) Talking on your cell phone is a great way to instill a sense of security. Your riders will know you are a real ‘family man’ if you choose to shout at your family members on the phone en-route. Riders then love to discuss family matters – it makes them feel connected to you, and they will give a better tip.

I had a notion to ask him for his copy of the “code”, but was too busy with a baby and a 3-year old to do much reading. As it turned out, the flight was only ~ 20% full, so we got there with time to spare – and most thankfully, in one piece. We called the city to report him – which I hated to do, on one hand, because driving cab is his livelihood. On the other hand, it is only a matter of time before he has an accident and hurts himself or others. Perhaps he could carry on his career, writing Cabbie Code.