The Preschool Saga

When we had Max, we lived in San Francisco, where childcare, along with other life conveniences like housing and parking, is scarce and expensive. As soon as he was born, other mothers told me I needed to start looking at preschools / schools and getting on wait-lists. I scoffed at this idea. Regardless of where I was living, I felt this pretentious behavior was only for the anal retentive. And then shortly into his life, ~ 8 months old, we decided we were moving to Austin, TX. The whispering, nagging voice that had been growing in the back of my head telling me that preschool was looming (in 1-2 years!) and I better get my booty in gear or fail my son in his first educational experience, was hushed. Whew – we were moving to Austin, where childcare was affordable and, from what I heard, available. Excellent public schools abounded and we chose our neighborhood based on an excellent elementary school, even though that seemed a lifetime away. We quickly found an excellent nanny and all was well.... and then I started talking to some mothers in Austin who warned me that, in fact, I was probably late to get Max on waiting lists at good preschools – he was 11 months old and we were discussing schools that he wouldn’t start until 2 or 3! While nannies and primary education abounded, good preschools seem to be scarce everywhere. But I really did not believe what these mothers told me. Again, I thought this might be some pretentious, type-A thing that was not my style. Well, Austin is not a pretentious, type-A kind of place, so when these women talked, I should have listened. Since we had just moved to Austin and I had my hands full with working (worked part-time) and settling in to a new city, I didn’t get around to even looking at schools until he was well over 1 year old. That voice telling me that I was going to fail my son in his first educational experience had not gone away – it was only resting – and it came back with a vengeance.

Let me preface this story with the fact that I do NOT think that preschool is something to worry about. I don’t think it will make or break anyone’s future. I don’t care about sending my child to the “best” preschool, just because it’s the “best.” Or that going to the “best” preschool will get him into the “best” elementary, and that this will domino-effect him into a wildly successful career and blissful happiness later in life. But what I do care about is the here and now. I care that my child’s experience will be loving, gentle, respectful, and above all, crazy fun. Of course, I want him to be learning in the process, so the program needs to be educational as well – defining that thin line between daycare and preschool. This did, however, lead us down a path to some of the “best” preschools in Austin. The ones with long waiting lists that ask questions on their applications like, “explain why you would like your child to attend xxx”, and this question caused small beads of sweat to form because I knew that there was probably a right answer.

Not all of these schools make it very easy, either. They have school showings only at certain times, and even the school showings filled up, so one has to wait for the next round. Orientations must be attended, checks written, all to get on a wait list. There was even one school that has a 4-part lecture series and the children whose parents attend these lectures are given “priority” in getting in. As pretentious as all of this sounds, I’ve learned that it’s not for the sake of it, but really because these programs take themselves very seriously – they take the 4 – 5 hours that they will be caring for your child very seriously, and ultimately, I want them to.

But, alas, after many school showings, orientations and signed checks, we were on wait lists with not a lot of chance of getting in when we had hoped. I had been, just as I was told I was going to be, too late. So our first foray into preschool was when Max was 20 months. I took him to a very local preschool – just down the block – that really, in my mind, was a daycare. I took him just one day a week because he had never ever been dropped off anywhere. He had only had a nanny or me and I thought it would be a good transition for him to learn the idea that whenever mommy dropped him off somewhere, I always came back. I sent him only 1 day / week and over the course of the term, he enjoyed the time there and did learn that drop-off lesson that I had hoped, though he certainly never really enjoyed it (drop-off continues to be a challenge today and he’s over 3!). But I was not impressed with the school – there was pretty high turnover with the teachers and the classrooms were big and chaotic. And then some friends of ours told us about the Montessori school that they had sent their children and how much they loved the school. Though we really loved some of the other Montessori schools in town, I had not heard of this one, so we went to one more school showing, which was how I thought school showings should be – we made an appt with the director and it happened that week. There was no ‘school orientation’ and because our friends had referred us, she could guarantee us getting in. She even suggested that Max start earlier than we had planned – 2 months before his baby sister was born, instead of 2 months after – so that he would have his own routine going when the new baby came, and he wouldn’t be presented with 2 big changes in a short time-frame. I appreciated her insight, even if it did benefit them by having him start earlier. And like that, we were in. After all of the running around and research and visits, we were going to a school, not because it was the “best”, or even our favorite, but because we could get in. And with the resounding recommendation from our friends, I also felt really good about the school.

Now, a year later, Max is finally getting into some schools where we sat on the wait list for 1-2 years. While I have rated the current school average to excellent on different points, overall, we feel it is time for a change, so he will go to another school this fall. And we are back to writing checks, and in one case, even getting letters of recommendation (I can’t keep my own eyes from rolling, so I’m sure yours just did too). I don’t know if these new schools are the “best”, but they seem to be a good fit with our family, which I recognize is the best filter for “best” anyway. I now feel so fortunate that we have choices – and that we are choosing between schools that we really love. After all we have been through, I felt compelled to tell our friend, who recently had a baby, that she really needed to start thinking about preschools in the baby’s first year. She looked at me with that familiar, “that’s only for the pretentious and anal retentive” look. “I know”, is what I said, and patted her hand.

Comments

[Veronica]

I really need to get my act together and start this whole process. I don't know what I will do if people ask for references.